Going The Distance

No this is not a film review (although I do bloody love that film).

I have quite a lot of experience with long distance relationships. At one point or another I've been away from my family, friends and boyfriend, so I feel I'm fairly qualified to talk about this area.

Apart from holidays away, moving to university was obviously my first big step because I left my family and friends to move somewhere I'd only visited for a few hours on the open day. Luckily, I was so ready and excited to leave that it didn't hit me straight away. Although there were obvious down times, like my first birthday away from home, I made a great group of friends in freshers week that I'm still close to now. In fact I live with most of them. However after having known these friends only a year, I then left to do a year abroad in Canada, leaving behind family, old friends, new friends and now a boyfriend that I'd met in my first year in Glasgow. 

Freshers Friends Last

Despite denying it to most people (and myself) at the time, leaving Callum and my family behind was awful; I just wanted them to be there with me to share the experience. However I was determined not to let anything hold me back from something I had always wanted to do... live in Canada. 
The relationship me and my boyfriend shared was always different to the norm, we basically lived together for the first 5 months, then he went home to Ireland for summer and I went home to England. This meant that for the 3 months leading up to me going abroad we only saw each other for the few weeks we were able to fly and visit one another, and then family constantly surrounded us. This meant we were able to have a taster of how we would handle being away from each other for 4 months straight, and nothing looked harder. So many people were telling us we were crazy, couldn’t believe that after only around 7 months of being together we were going to face 9 months apart. Having that constant pressure of people reminding me how hard it was only made it worse, but neither of us had any doubt we wanted to stay together. So if you take away one thing from this post let it be that no matter how much outsiders might make you question your decision to try a long distance relationship, if you know it is what you both want and will try and make it work, it will! Only you know the strength of your relationship. The media is inundated with stories of people cheating on each other when one moves away, that sometimes it’s hard to believe an alternative is possible. 

My cousins wedding this summer

Trip to Ireland last summer

The time difference (8 hours) was the hardest part of long distance for us. It became very easy for a small misunderstanding over text or a little bicker on facetime to snowball, because the old (but true) saying of ‘never go to sleep on an argument’ became extremely difficult. We didn’t argue much, but when we did it was blown way out of proportion by one person falling asleep whilst the other was left to stew on it all day. So although it’s difficult, it’s the best piece of advice! I also think it’s important to make time for each other. It is vital that you both carry on with your own lives and don’t hang around all day waiting for the other to be free to Facetime. So to avoid this set aside some time each week where you have an online date. It might sound silly, but sometimes it’s really nice to just do things together rather than just talk. We would (and still do) arrange to watch a film together at the same time whilst video calling, or play a game online competing with each other, anything so that you can still have fun together! Although talking is important, you still need to enjoy spending time with each other as if you were still physically together. 
 

Halloween Club Crawl in Canada

Secret Santa

Last night together

As it turned out, I only stayed in Canada until Christmas. I knew this was the right decision for me, but it meant leaving so many amazing people, two in particular. Leaving Amanda and Fiona was honestly harder than leaving Callum, my friends and family combined. I knew that everyone at home would still be there when I returned and that barely anything would’ve changed. Leaving two people I connected with more than anybody else I’d ever known was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Dramatic I know. The three of us couldn’t live further from each other (Amanda in Canada and Fiona in Australia). So although we promised to stay in touch and have a reunion, after 4 months of knowing each other I was scared we couldn’t make it work. But we have! And it actually has its advantages… there will always be someone awake and willing to listen to me rant or cry or make me laugh. We arrange skype calls around once every two weeks to catch up and I look forward to the next call the minute we hang up! Making mental notes of things I want to tell them through the week. And of course we have a constant group chat full of girl drama. Not only are two of us always awake, but we’re so removed from each others’ lives at home that it means we can give great advice and always take each others’ sides because we have no other perspective. Which when you’re having a drunken meltdown at 1am (sorry Amanda) is exactly the kind of chat you need. Plus, we have free accommodation if we ever want to travel and see each other! Hopefully I’m hosting our first reunion next year.
 

Crying at 5am - the morning we left

So now I’m back in Glasgow. Amanda and Fiona are on opposite sides of the world to me and Callum is now permanently based in Belfast. I hardly even class my family as long distance anymore, 3 hours on a train doesn’t seem so bad after a 9 hour flight. Nevertheless, I’m in 3 long distance relationships with 3 of the most important people in my life and I have no doubt that they will continue, just find what works for you and if you want to stay together enough it’s definitely possible. Not only that but it can be great!